Is there anything I can say to my negative partner?  She is negative after every shot. No matter how nice the shot is she finds SOMETHING wrong with it. I would like to diffuse her negativity at the beginning of the round. I don’t care how direct I have to be but I’d like to do it in a non-confrontational way.

Diffusing her negativity at the beginning of the round would be of benefit to both you and her.  However, your goal may be overly ambitious because we cannot change another person’s thoughts and behavior. We can only change ourselves.  It is possible, however, to influence others toward wanting to affect change in themselves.

I offer you create a non-confrontational way to draw her attention to the wealth of science-based information about the effects of negative thinking and negative self-talk on golf performance.  An example of negative self-talk is when we make a shot and then immediately berate ourselves because of the outcome.

Although some believe that negative self-talk motivates us to try harder, scientific evidence has shown it has detrimental effects on our cognitive processes.  Your partner may not be aware that negative thoughts and negative self-talk may be holding her back from playing better golf.

A negative mindset can have the same effect on us whether we are berating ourselves, others or specific circumstances.  According to material in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, negative self-talk impairs motivation, cognitive performance, and self-confidence.

Dr. Bob Rotella, sports psychologist and author of Golf is a Game of Confidence, believes self-confidence is one of the most, if not the most, important “golf skill” a golfer can possess.  Rotella says, “If your head is filled with bad thoughts, your scorecard is going to be full of bad strokes.”

You asked if there is anything you can say to your negative partner.  I offer you mention the science-based information about negative thoughts and self-talk during a casual golf conversation with her or possibly in a social setting with golf friends.  Your partner may not make the choice to immediately change, although, there is a good chance she may consider it.  Her brain is in the habit of producing negative thoughts and she will need time and practice to break the habit and replace the negative with more positive self-talk patterns.

Off the course
Negative thoughts and negative self-talk can lower self-confidence, create a negative self-image, hold us back from performing to our potential, have detrimental effects on our cognitive processes, and increase stress and anxiety.  If you have a habit of negative self-talk, learn to “catch and release” those negative thoughts and develop positive self-talk patterns to make improvements in every area of your life.

(For additional information on dealing with negative playing partners, refer to the September 2022 “Ask Bonnie” column on this website.)