My older sister, an avid golfer, encouraged me to take up golf as an activity in order to spend time together.  Initially, I had no interest in the sport.  However, last year I decided I would give it a try.  I took lessons, spent time on the driving range and joined a women’s beginning golf group.  To my surprise I am enjoying golf and consistently improving my game.  I had my personal best score last week.  I was excited and wanted to celebrate.  My sister said very little to acknowledge my achievement.  I am beginning to think I should stop playing with her because she doesn’t appear to enjoy playing together as I get better.  I may try talking with her about it.  Please advise.    

It is your decision whether you want to talk with her about it and whether you want to continue playing golf with her. It is also your decision whether you are going to need her applause on your achievements to feel comfortable in playing with her.

It makes total sense you would like your older sister to enjoy the time she spends with you.  It also makes sense you would like her to be pleased with your achievements and happily join you in celebrating your successes.  However, you are not responsible for, and cannot control, her emotions in this or any other situation.  That’s her job.

We can never know for certain, or control, what another person is actually thinking.  It is possible your sister was more upset at herself and with the thought that she did not play well, than how well you played.  It is possible she is enjoying your company, just not her game.  Whatever she was thinking, she apparently did not feel like celebrating.  Even if you decide to quit playing with her, it won’t guarantee her future thoughts and feelings about your game or hers.

If you choose to play with her, practice keeping your mind focused on you and your game, not on what you think she may be thinking.  If you play with your sister, or anyone else, while wondering how they are going to react to your score, it will be difficult for you to play to your potential.  It will also be difficult for you to enjoy the game.

I offer you become your biggest fan and cheerleader.  Don’t look to her or anyone else to validate you or your game.  That’s your job.  If others choose to celebrate with you, that’s lagniappe.

When you learn to manage and focus your mind on your golf game you will also be better able to manage and focus your mind to achieve any of your goals, on and off the course.

And that’s even more lagniappe!