Dear Bonnie,

I used to play golf once a week, until life circumstances interrupted my schedule. I have not played in two years and I am ready to return to the course. The problem is I have gained about forty pounds in the interim. Sometimes people who have not seen me for several months do not at first recognize me because of my weight gain. I want to return to playing golf for the exercise and my enjoyment of the game. However, I have been hesitant to do so because of my weight. I am telling myself to wait until I lose the pounds, but I also need to start moving my body again for my physical and mental health. I want to play golf, but I am embarrassed about how I look, especially in my extra-large golf outfits. Please advise.

I offer you immediately return to playing golf, an activity which gives you enjoyment and physical movement, both of which are personally important to you and, thereby, to your mental well-being.

The reason you are hesitating is that you want to avoid your feeling of embarrassment.

This feeling of embarrassment is caused by what you think others are going to think of you based on your weight.  You are allowing your thoughts about what you perceive other people are thinking to keep you from your own health and enjoyment of life.  The feeling of embarrassment is keeping you from showing up for yourself.  Your delay is coming at a cost to your well-being.

We can never know what another person is actually thinking.  The thoughts you are attributing to others are most likely thoughts you are having about yourself, which you are mentally transferring into the minds of others.  This faulty process does not serve you.  You are trying to control what you think others may think, by not showing up on the course.  Trying to control what other people think can be exhausting because you cannot control what other people think and other people cannot control what you think.

Since our thoughts are the cause of our feelings, you can dissolve your feeling of embarrassment by intentionally changing your thoughts.  I offer you intentionally change your thoughts from those that keep you from playing golf and replace them with thoughts that support you and motivate you toward playing golf.

It is important you believe your new replacement thoughts. The most powerful thoughts are usually those you personally create, however, here are a few examples of supportive thoughts, which you may want to use to get you started:

“I am not going to let my perceived thoughts about what others may be thinking stand between me and playing golf.”

“What other people think of me is none of my business.”

“Whatever others may be thinking of me, I say, ‘So what?!”

“I love and respect myself more than what others may be thinking about my weight.”

“I like that I am showing up for my life, no matter the size of my golf clothes.”

It’s also helpful to remember Eleanor Roosevelt’s classic quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

It takes practice to fluently change and replace your thoughts and may take you a few games in order to play without “thought errors,” the type of thoughts you are currently having around your weight.  I offer the sooner you return to playing golf and start practicing your new thoughts, the sooner you will be playing with more self-confidence, focus and enjoyment, which will not only improve your golf scores, it will also influence how you show up in other areas of your life.