Dear Bonnie,
Before I met my friend for a scheduled golf outing last week, she contacted me and asked if she could bring her male friend to our game. I had no objection to him joining us, until he teed up and played each hole from the ladies tees. I didn’t say much about it at the time, however, I was irritated the entire game and did not play well. I believe men should play from the men’s tees and I felt he was out of line. I have a feeling my friend may invite him to join us again. Do you have any advice on how I can handle this situation if it arises in the future?
When asking for advice on how you can handle the situation, I am not sure if you mean how to persuade him to play from the “men’s” tees, or how you can better handle the situation so it doesn’t affect your game. I’ll address both.
First, there is no rule barring men from playing from the commonly called “ladies tees.” Any player may play from any tee box they choose. There is no rule preventing men from playing from the “ladies” tees or women playing from the “men’s” tees. In fact, the names “ladies tees” and “men’s tees” are misnomers. The tees are not gender-based and are usually identified by color, such as red, yellow and white, or by placement: the forward, middle and back tees. Many players believe the use of the term “ladies tees” perpetuates an unconscious gender bias on golf courses by implying that all women are weaker and slower players. Because the color red has traditionally been used for the forward tees and is associated with the term “ladies tees,” several courses are changing the colors and even the shapes of the tee markers to encourage more neutrality about the tees.
There is a growing trend at golf courses encouraging all players to play from the tees that best suit their skill levels. A number of courses are providing information to assist players in choosing the best tee options for them. A general rule of thumb is if your drive is under 200 yards, play from the closest tee. If you hit from 200-225 the next farthest tee, and so on. When you are accurately hitting 275+, play the farthest tee back.
If you are playing from a tee that is too challenging, you could slow the pace of play for all players in the group and, in addition, it may be too challenging to be enjoyable for you. When playing from the tee best suited for your skill level the game is usually more fun.
In addressing the possibility of being in a future situation with your playing partner’s friend, I offer two options. You can refrain from invitations to play with him or you can use the situation as an opportunity to practice managing your mind. Since he is not violating a golf standard, I offer you bring your mind back to your game and think of him only as another member of your group who also plays from the forward tees. Concentrate on your pre-shot routine instead of his choice of tees. When you practice the skill of managing your mind on the golf course, you are learning to manage your mind for life.
Great advice. I wish more coaches and people in golf would stress this important area
Nothing worse than men playing from blue or white tees and can’t get to the usually much closer junior tees
Thank you for your comment, Benita. Perhaps more people who play golf will start playing comfortably from the appropriate tees.
Very well stated…more golfers need to use these guidelines and play the tees best suited for their game instead of worrying about “men’s” vs “ladies”. My husband and his friends (now in their 70’s) have moved to the forward tees and are enjoying the game so much more now!
Thank you for bringing this to the forefront!
Thank you for your comment, Laura. Kudos to your husband and friends.! Perhaps they will be an influence on others who would enjoy the game more playing from the appropriate tees.
I would match rather see a man play from the forward tee, then think he needs to “man up” and struggle the whole round, because that’s slow and no fun for the whole group. I personally struggle with the opposite problem. I should play one tee back, but deal with the egos of men, when I’m playing off the same tee as them. I often will shy away from doing so to avoid the confrontation that inevitably throws off my first couple drives when I play from those tees. However, if I play from the forward tees my confidence goes through the roof and those same men that don’t want me to tee off with them are pissed cause now I’m REALLY out driving them. I’m damned either way…. that is, I was… I had to stop playing by other people’s standards and worrying about what they said or what I thought they’d think of me. I now play from the proper tee for my game and I PRACTICE not giving a flying-F- what those guys think, say or do…. If I guy gets his ego bruised by me playing from the same tee that’s not my problem. By working on my pre-shot routine to create my bubble and knowing I’ve got nothing to prove to anyone out there, I’m finally finding some freedom on the first tee. My advice would be to stay in your lane and focus on your own game.
Very wise and valid advice on the rules and more importantly the emphasis on the player’s mind control. This is the most important skill to develop.
I also agree on not labeling forward tees as women’s tees. As people get older they may realize a loss of distance in all shots. It is normal for them to consider moving up to closer tees.
Thank you for your comment, Ruben. I agree that learning the skill of managing our minds is most important.
I always heard that you play from the front tees until you can regularly hit par from there, then move one level back and repeat the process. Makes sense to me and helps beginners learn course management much better.
Thank you for your comment, Lauren. Kudos to you for not worrying about other people’s standards and perceived thoughts. We cannot control other people’s feelings and are not responsible for them. We are only responsible for our own thoughts and feelings.
Wow. This question surprises me as I have the exact opposite opinion. More men should play from the “forward” tees! Sexist terms like “ladies” and “mens” tees are being eliminated – thank goodness. I am a way better golfer than my husband. When we play, we play from the same tees. Sometimes I play back with him and sometimes he plays forward with me. It saves time and it’s more fun. Golf needs to evolve to LESS sexist and divisive. I can’t wait for some of the PGA/LPGA combined events that are coming up. Hopefully, there will be more mixed leagues in the future, like in bowling.
Thank you for your comment, Julie. As you stated, playing from the appropriate tees saves time and most find it more fun.
My husband plays with my friends and me from the forward tees because he is not a long hitter. It doesn’t cause any problems and he has more fun during the round as he can get into a scoring position more easily.
Thank you for your comment, Patty.
How does a tournament organizer score a player when the score card has a different handicap rating for the same hole.
To be more specific, many courses continue to associate the red tees as the Ladies/Womens tee box and can have a different hole handicap rating that the mens for the same hole.
If then, a man plays from the red tee box which hole handicap prevails …Ladies or Mens?
Is their any grace for age in this gender neutral hog wash. I’ve never heard anything like it. World has gone mad about gender. There is non way a women can ever compete in sport with a man. The only golfers happy
With this ridiculous new idea are MEN
I’ve always been an occasional golfer maybe 1-2 times a year so I’m not very good. Plus I’m getting older and my wife has now found that she enjoys playing golf together so we are starting to play more. I have always played from the middle tees and her the forward tees. It really slowed our pace and made us rush to keep ahead of the next group which in turn made us play worse and not enjoy it as much. This week end i played from the forward tees with her. One it picked up the pace a lot and we had no trouble keeping up the pace of play, but I really enjoyed the extra time I had with her at the boxes. That alone makes it worth playing from the same tees. Let people play from where they want. Life is too short not to enjoy spending more time with the ones you care about
This is my first time seeing this forum and I appreciate the thoughtful comments. My local golf club does not have a red tee box. The whites are typically too far for me so I tee off at the most forward position in the box. There are, however, junior tees that are not appropriate at all .(80 yds on a par 4)……The club will not add a forward tee box due to the expense, I’m sure. As far as pace and etiquette, I usually play with men and keep pace playing ready golf. I do find it frustrating that I need an extra shot to make the green in regulation. Any thoughts?