Dear Bonnie,

Before I met my friend for a scheduled golf outing last week, she contacted me and asked if she could bring her male friend to our game. I had no objection to him joining us, until he teed up and played each hole from the ladies tees. I didn’t say much about it at the time, however, I was irritated the entire game and did not play well. I believe men should play from the men’s tees and I felt he was out of line. I have a feeling my friend may invite him to join us again. Do you have any advice on how I can handle this situation if it arises in the future?

When asking for advice on how you can handle the situation, I am not sure if you mean how to persuade him to play from the “men’s” tees, or how you can better handle the situation so it doesn’t affect your game. I’ll address both.

First, there is no rule barring men from playing from the commonly called “ladies tees.” Any player may play from any tee box they choose. There is no rule preventing men from playing from the “ladies” tees or women playing from the “men’s” tees. In fact, the names “ladies tees” and “men’s tees” are misnomers. The tees are not gender-based and are usually identified by color, such as red, yellow and white, or by placement: the forward, middle and back tees. Many players believe the use of the term “ladies tees” perpetuates an unconscious gender bias on golf courses by implying that all women are weaker and slower players. Because the color red has traditionally been used for the forward tees and is associated with the term “ladies tees,” several courses are changing the colors and even the shapes of the tee markers to encourage more neutrality about the tees.

There is a growing trend at golf courses encouraging all players to play from the tees that best suit their skill levels. A number of courses are providing information to assist players in choosing the best tee options for them. A general rule of thumb is if your drive is under 200 yards, play from the closest tee. If you hit from 200-225 the next farthest tee, and so on. When you are accurately hitting 275+, play the farthest tee back.

If you are playing from a tee that is too challenging, you could slow the pace of play for all players in the group and, in addition, it may be too challenging to be enjoyable for you. When playing from the tee best suited for your skill level the game is usually more fun.

In addressing the possibility of being in a future situation with your playing partner’s friend, I offer two options. You can refrain from invitations to play with him or you can use the situation as an opportunity to practice managing your mind. Since he is not violating a golf standard, I offer you bring your mind back to your game and think of him only as another member of your group who also plays from the forward tees. Concentrate on your pre-shot routine instead of his choice of tees. When you practice the skill of managing your mind on the golf course, you are learning to manage your mind for life.